Take a Ride

I was recently asked if I could recommend a book on “Connection”.

My first reaction to the question was to reflect on the books I recently read. I was struggling for a moment because I was thinking “Well, a specific book might mention connection, but its not a book on connection”.

Then it hit me.

Answering the question was a bit of a trap. I was potentially going to give the person a detour which would allow him to intellectually understand something, but not truly experience it.

Instead, I said “Well, I’m sure there are several books on Connection, and from my point of view, it would be like reading a book on Balance….you might just want to get on the bike and take a ride”.

Yes, just get on the bike and take a ride.

Or in his case, just be in a relationship with the intention of becoming connected.

There is a hypothesis here – that to be connected, you would have to have some interest in being in authentic relationships with those around you.

Connection with employees, colleagues, friends and family is not an intellectual study. It’s an experience. And if you are not having the experience of being connected, then you are not connected, and cannot truly understand connection.

The previous sentence is not designed to just state the obvious. The intention is to highlight that you don’t do connection, you be connection.

It may be helpful to get curious about relationships.  What is the relationship between connection and relationship? Reflect on your relationships and see where do you sense a level of connection and where are you more cordial, proper or guarded. The first step to being connected is noticing where your are/are not connected and look for a theme.

So, a couple of questions to explore to do a mini self-assessment on your level of connection:

  1. How often do you find yourself authentically interested in the other persons point of view?
  2. Observe yourself in relationships. Do you often “fight, flight or ….flow”?
  3. Notice when you do feel connected. Is it in a specific place? With a specific person? Is it a family pet? A holiday tradition? What does connection feel like?
  4. What keeps you from feeling as connected as you want to be (i.e., judgments, fear, too “busy”, etc)
  5. How often do find yourself distracted and closed in a social or work conversation?
  6. Where and with whom in your life would you like to feel more deeply connected?  What choices do YOU need to make to achieve a deeper level of connection with those people?
  7. Do a “cost/benefit analysis” of connection. What is the cost of being connected? What is the benefit of being connected?  What is the cost of NOT being connected?

….and then after you have taken the self-assessment,

Take a Ride.

Just get on the bike and go.

You might wobble, you might feel awkward, you might be uncomfortable, you might…..take a wonderful new ride in discovering, experiencing, and knowing authentic  connection.

Comments are closed.